Tuesday

My weight is going down as well as my relationship with T. Thirty square meter appartment starts to seem awfully small for two. I can not weigh my food and neither count my calories other than manually since she has moved in with me. I transfered the scales to the bathroom in order to do my daily weighings without her noticing. I still can not hide everything and occasionally she freaks out and starts screaming and crying and packs her stuff and tells me that this is it she is leaving. Then I cry and beg her to stay and promise to do something and she unpacks her bags. By the time I promise her to try to help myself somehow I kind of actually meen it, but when time goes by everything just slips again back to normal. I always give in to my desire to lose more and more weight. This goes on over and over again. I don't understand why doesn't she just leave. I can tell that she is suffering, i am just so powerless to do anything. Seems like I am in this so deep that I don't even want to find a way out.